A Paying Customer

A view from the North

A letter written sometime in the nearish future.

Dear Lord Chancerlor,

recently I did a bad thing and had to go to court to tell the jury why I was not guilty. Sadly they did not believe a word of what I said and now I am doing 18 months (out in 9). That wasn’t all. At the end of the case the Judge said I had to pay a criminal court charge. 1,200 quid!

So, anyways, now I am thinking I am not just the defendant, not now I am paying to be the defendant. Now I reckon I am a “stakeholder”. My probation officer explained to me about being a “stakeholder”. And I reckons that as a “stakeholder” I have some rights and stuff. The big right is I get to complain, so guess what this is? Yep, this is a complaint.

First up is this. When the…

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The Laguna Lawyer

It beggars belief that anyone could even contemplate voting for this lot ever again

A view from the North

A supermarket Car Park in Innercity Town, Votershire. In a quiet and secluded corner of the car park John Everyman approaches the rear passenger door of a vehicle. He opens the door and looks in.

JE: Mr Measures?

AM: That’s me. Alfred Measures, at your service. Alf to my friends. Come in and shut the door, the breeze will mess up my files.

Everyman gets into the backseat of the car alongside Alf Measures and closes the door.

JE: Well, I never thought that, if I needed a lawyer, I would have to meet them in the back of their car. Its a bit less glamourous than it looks on the telly.

AM: Think of me a bit like Matthew McConaughey.

JE: But you’re bald and fat.

AM: Well, I did say a bit. But I meant like that film, The Lincoln Lawyer? The film about the lawyer that has…

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Justice Delayed is Justice Saved

Let’s hope so Jaime, though I haven’t forgotten what the last government did just before the election.

A view from the North

Dear Lord Chancellor,

Tomorrow the Court of Appeal deliver their judgment on the appeal brought by solicitors in respect of the Judicial Review into the Dual Contract process. The Dual Contract process, as you know, is the mechanism by which the MoJ intend to “consolidate” the market of providers of Legal Services remunerated by Legal Aid. The MoJ recognise that the only way that solicitors can survive after your next round of cuts is to reduce the number of solicitors that can do the work and therefore increase the volume of work done by each firm that survives. In order to stop solicitors going out of business you are having to make sure that solicitors go out of business.

Now I am not writing this to harangue you about fee cuts or your idealogical restrictions on access to justice. I admit that I have, from time to time, mocked you…

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Will the Last Barrister Please Switch Off the Lights

A view from the North

A senior clerk, Ben Arrowboy, sits down with his Head of Chambers, Sidney Blinkers QC, to discuss chambers in advance of the AGM. The chambers, Cloistered Way Chambers, are a predominantly criminal a set. This conversation takes place some time in September 2015.

SB QC: Just give me the headlines and the figures, Ben, so I can do my normal State of the Union address to the AGM. You know, the usual stuff, the “these are difficult times” but “chambers still continues to flourish” kind of stuff.

BA: I’m afraid it is not that straightforward this year, sir. I am afraid we just had a bit of bad news, sir.

SB QC: Oh no, don’t tell it is Mr Auld QC? He hasn’t finally pegged out has he? I told him he shouldn’t be prosecuting road traffic lists, not at 103. But he was always going on about not having…

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